Hands on a Hamburger is sixth episode of the seventh season of Aqua Teen Hunger Force and the 94th episode overall.
Master Shake orders a ton of pizzas, ending with a bill of $539,000. However, the pizza place realizes it's a prank, and they drive off. Frylock then gets an email about a huge hamburger in the parking lot at Wong Burger now named Dazzle Burger with the last person to take his hands off the burger getting to keep it.
The Aqua Teens enter and soon are the last ones touching the burger due to Shake's shameless ultra-competitive trickery. Frylock wisely points out that they could all simply quit at this point, since whoever wins couldn't possibly eat the whole thing themselves and could share the remainder with the rest of the house. In keeping with his personality, Master Shake objects strenuously to Frylock's logical approach, insisting he's going to force the contest to drag on, win and eat the entire thing himself somehow and give them none just to be an asshole for no reason.
After a period of about a week, Meatwad gets disqualified after stuffing both meaty appendages in his "ears" to counter Shake's harassment, but Frylock remains. Frylock is not so easily manipulated, however. Months and months pass, snow falls, and the burger slowly decomposes into a disgusting green rotting mass which has now been colonized by large numbers of ants. Neither Frylock nor Shake budges, despite Shake's unending verbal harassment.
One day, Meatwad comes by with a pile of hotdogs, pointing out that the car dealership across the street is giving them out for free. Shake then detaches his hand and goes shopping; since his hand is still on the burger, he's not disqualified. Frylock grows tired of the whole thing and detaches a high-voltage power line with his eye lasers with the intent to electrify the burger and kill Shake when he comes back. But then the burger starts to talk, tells him not to electrify the burger, and "You will win the contest and come with me to Hamburger Planet". Frylock then has a dramatic flashback about the Toothship and the Dickship. Frylock then recognizes that Dr. Wongburger has come back, this time as a burger. Master Shake comes back, Frylock deliberately quits and Shake is abducted by Dr. Wongburger. Frylock then uses the cut electrical line to kill the contest supervisor, and tells Meatwad "Let's eat", meaning to go get some of the hotdogs from the car dealership. Meatwad begins preparing to devour the dead contest supervisor, then recants when Frylock tells him he was talking about the free hotdogs.
- Phil Samson, a former Aqua Teen Hunger Force editor and a current Squidbillies editor, voices the contest supervisor.
- Carey Means, Jay Edwards, Craig Hartin, and Brendon Small make animated appearances as competitors for the Hands on a Hamburger contest.
- An animated version of Matt Maiellaro appears as a pizza delivery man.
- The CIA agents from the Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters appear as pizza delivery men.
- The music that is playing as Shake tricks the other contestants into disqualification is from the soundtrack of the spaghetti western "Fistful of Dollars" written by Ennio Morricone.