"Larry Miller Hair System" is the eleventh episode of the seventh season of Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and the 99th episode overall. This episode was originally entitled "Kipper Hair System."


The actor and comedian Larry Miller shows up at Carl's doorstep to try and sell him a toupee, the "Larry Miller Hair System". The toupee is made of painted and corrugated sheet metal, there's only one in existence, it's been returned at least once, and God told him to sell it to Carl so Larry can feed his "all-consuming" gambling addiction.

As part of the pitch, Larry uses a simulation machine in the back of his van to show Carl what his life would be like if he had hair. The simulation version of Carl is much slimmer, less slovenly and has a full head of hair, as well as a normal life with a wife, two kids and a stable job. Real-life Carl is initially confused by this, but quickly becomes disgusted with his simulation self's healthy, polite and non-confrontational attitude, which he describes as "selling out".

Soon, Larry realizes they're close to AC Beach, he can "smell the cards", and runs off in a frenzy to go gamble, leaving Carl alone with the simulation machine. Carl thus sets about manipulating the life of the "other Carl", who can constantly hear the real Carl's voice but can't see him.

He starts demanding that his simulation self "grow a sack," which basically consists of doing all the things he would do, including staying up all night drinking beer, ordering a penis pump, sexually insulting his wife and turning a minor confrontation over the fax machine at work into physical violence.

Soon, simulation Carl is fired, and his wife leaves him and takes his kids. However, he still has one dignity, his hair, which the real Carl ensures that he gets rid of as well. Now jobless, wifeless, and hairless, the simulation version of Carl kills himself.

Later on Carl agrees to the hair system, in which a metal wig is violently attached to his skull with POP rivets like a fender from a body shop. The Aqua Teens don't appear until the end, when Carl's showing off how the hair stays the same shape even underwater, while the other Aqua Teens compliment Carl's wig, Frylock points out to him that not only is his hair rusty, but the metal rivets in his skull appear to be infected, but Carl just dismisses it as jealousy.

It is then revealed that the entire episode was a recording that the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future was showing to an army of robots so that he could present their mission of going back to the past and destroying the metal wig, one of them tries to go the "Time Chamber", but he quickly points out that it's just a refrigerator box, after which the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future loses his patience and repeatedly tries to activate the "Time Chamber" himself, while the credits roll.


  1. Simulation Carl kills himself with a shotgun.


  • This episode was excluded from the Adult swim's shop's custom DVD maker.
  • This episode reveals that Carl has a small penis, which explains much of his behavior.
  • Simulation Carl's genitals were still censored for the DVD release of Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1 Season 1.
  • Carl thought The Nutty Professor was about Martin Lawrence dressing up as an old woman who is a cop, but that movie was Big Momma's House.
  • The Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future makes a surprise cameo at the end of the episode
  • The robots that appear at the end of the episode are the exact same robots shown robbing a bank in the intro from seasons 1-7.