"Shirt Herpes" is the 3rd episode of Season 9 and the 113th overall of Aqua Something You Know Whatever.


Carl goes to Shake to show off his cool shirt that was "forged by one of the three demons in the mind of a volcano", and tells to him the tale of thousands of years ago, before shirts were a thing, when he was extremely muscular, ruled sexy cave women, and rode on a "one eyed wonder worm" to kill three ancient demons "Uno, Boggle and Yahtzee" and get the badass shirt he has today, with Shake somehow believing all of that.

After explaining the story, Carl says that now he must pass his shirt down to a new warrior king, to rule the kingdom of Heir Metal Mountain, as a mighty god... of ROCK! but Shake seems disinterested with it and simply wishes Carl luck on finding someone. Though a now desperate Carl says that the shirt chooses it's warrior, and that it choose Shake, after which he excitedly puts it on him (though it clearly doesn't fit), revealing that Carl was heavily infected with herpes.

Later that night, he has a nightmare that he's an anthropomorphic beer stein carrying a golden chalice and riding on a small purple dragon up the volcano Carl rode once to defeat the dark lord, and is confronted by the three minions of Satan. Shake says that he is their new ruler as the shirt choose him, but not only they explain there are eighteen more shirts that they owns, but that Carl found these in a gas station. They yank Shake in the fire pit until he's nothing more than a skeleton, Shake wakes up, and can't get the shirt off.

Carl, now in the pool to refresh after wearing that shirt for so long, reveals to Shake that he only chose him because he didn't like the shirt, and tricked him into wearing it because the shirt causes odd dreams and is very tight, he then tells Shake that the only way of getting it off is by doing what he did, tricking someone less smarter than you to wear it.

Shake has another dream and meets someone else with the shirt, he tries to warn him of the demons "Uno, Boggle and Yahtzee", but they show up to tell Shake these aren't their actual names, and that Carl just made those up to look cool, they tell Shake that he must find someone else to wear it, or he will be raped by a giant octopus entering a coma for the rest of his life, much to Shake's horror before he is ripped in half and wakes up once again. Frylock examines the shirt, and reveals and that it is merged to his flesh and it's making it's way to Shake's brain. If they cut the shirt off, Shake will die, Shake tries to trick Frylock and Meatwad into wearing the shirt, but they don't fall for it. In his dreams once more, before he is raped by the octopus, Shake tries to avoid it by breaking up with him, but allows a quickie. He says that he can't get used to it, but is glad that he's not dead, while the credits roll.


  1. Shake is killed twice during his dreams.
  2. An unnamed man with the magical shirt is shown to be dead in the background.


  • The X-Ray machine returns in this episode ever since it's last appearance in "Hoppy Bunny".
  • According to Dave Willis, this is the third episode they have done involving a magical shirt.
  • This marks the 2nd episode since Wi-tri where Shake used the line "Damn, son!".
  • Despite the demons specifically saying the octopus will rape Shake, he dosen't actually have sex with him until Shake consents to it.
  • Although Shake completes Carl's sentence with the "one eyed wonder worm", Carl is clearly riding a weasel-like creature. If Shake meant to say "one eyed wonder weasel", then it would be most likely a reference to "Super Trivia" where Carl names the team "The One Eyed Wonder Weasels and Their Two Balls".
  • The song heard in the background of the Inner Planetary Insanitarium was made by Progressive Metal band Queensryche.