"Sirens" is the third episode of the fifth season of Aqua Teen Hunger Force and the 71st episode overall. It originally aired on January 27th, 2008.


Carl and Markula continue to rent out the Aqua Teens house. Carl tries to add some appeal by decorating the living room with sports memorabilia, but Markula replies with "I don't like sports. No one does." Carl tells off Markula and heads home to watch porn in the nude, until he hears singing next door.

Carl heads over to discover that a trio of sirens, including Phillies baseball player John Kruk, are living in the house. Carl is excited to see Kruk, remembering fondly the time he hit Kruk in the head with a D-cell battery at Shea Stadium in 1989, noting that he spent three nights in jail but it was "totally worth it to see you just drop to your knees in anguish." Kruk claims to have no hard feelings, and it turns out he was kidnapped by Chrysanthemum and The BJ Queen and forced into their sex games, which he doesn't care for, and Carl is envious of. Although Carl thinks this is a pretty sweet gig given the physical attractiveness of the sirens, Kruk insists it actually sucks and is terrible (without explaining why), saying only "It doesn't even hurt anymore" and he just wants to see his kids again; he offers to see if they'll let Carl take over for him, but the sisters reject Carl and send him home.

Carl returns at night and drills a peephole in the side of the house to watch the Sirens' sex games, but Markula catches him. Markula tells him "Everything is fine" and encourages him to look inside, where Carl sees John Kruk chained to the wall with his skin peeled back, one Siren jabbing him with a harpoon while the other sprinkles salt on his wounds. Carl flees in terror, yelling "You people stay far away from me!".

John Kruk visits a horrified Carl the next morning (who slept on his couch cradling a shotgun in fear) and explains how his skin is actually zippered down the front, the harpoon holes are surgically implanted and the whole thing is actually "so hot", since "the biggest sexual organ is your brain". Telling Carl he shouldn't "knock it 'till he's tried it", he tells him to try dancing for the Sirens to see if he can join them, but Carl insists he needs to be "totally wasted" before he can dance, so he gets shitfaced and delivers a ridiculous drunken acapella version of Led Zeppelin's "The Ocean" complete with fake drum solo and air guitar. The girls are unimpressed.

Kruk finally convinces the still-wasted Carl that his only chance now is to cut off his nipples to feed them to the sisters "like grapes", which Carl attempts to do. But once he's cut off his own nipples, Kruk instead tells him to throw them down the sewer, mocking Carl for thinking anybody would want to eat his severed nipples and says "That's for hitting me with a battery at Shea, you asshole!".

Markula finds the nipples in the sewers and keeps them for himself.


  • The melted corpses from the couple of the previous episode, "Robots Everywhere" have not been cleaned out of the halls.
  • The Aqua Teens do not appear in this episode.
  • For a brief moment during the scene where the BJ Queen is washing Chrysanthemum on top of Carl's car, the pixelation over the sister's wet clothing disappears and the nudity goes uncensored.
  • After the Williams Street logo, the Sirens sing "Skull!"
  • Carl dances to Led Zeppelin´s song "The Ocean," from the album Houses Of The Holy when he's trying to impress the sirens.
  • Carl asks John Kruk to sing "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap", the AC/DC song from the album by the same title released in 1976.